her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
