if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
