my vag is so smooth its legendary
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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