Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
