my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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