In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
