I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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