i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
