She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
