The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
