Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
