So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
