You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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