She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
