As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
