Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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