Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
