Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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