Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
