I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
