Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
