I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize