he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
