he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
