me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so let's talk penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
