My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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