well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
