I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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