You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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