is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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