Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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