Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
