Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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