he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
