Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.