he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.