i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed