Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
