I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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