Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
