Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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