Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
