if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
