After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize