I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
