I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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