I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
