I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
