I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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