; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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