Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
