Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
