in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
