so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want nice things and good sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
