One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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