They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
