come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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