Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
