What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
