You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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