So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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