they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
