Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
