Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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