the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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