You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
