where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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