She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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