We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
