you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize