If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
