She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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