Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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